Thursday, 05 November 2009

• Its 12 am now.
  Still not bath yet.
  Tomorrow got math quiz at 8am and i`m still unprepared. stuck at many questions.don`t know how to do.
  Here i am, staring at this com screen and tears just flow like tap water after i send an email to my brother to tell him my problem.
  
  I used to think i can handle stress. but now i realize i don`t.
  When i am stuck at the numerous math questions, i panicked, frustrated and cried. hug butter. daze. heart jumping fast. scared. trembling inside.
  i think i am one more step closer to depression mode.
  I don`t know how everyone can cope so easily and i can`t. i doubt my capabilities. i questioned myself.
  Is the fault lie with me?
  
  Why i have tried my best and i`m still struggling so hard?
  Why my brain just couldn't function the way i want it to be?
  Why my brain can't stop thinking about school works when i`m sleeping?
  
  I am so unhappy now. very much. i`m starting to fear university life. i`m starting to feel sick when i think school.
  All i wanna do now is to hide in some corner, and abandon all the stress, works aside.
  
  my mood is so bad these days too.
  the moment i reached home, i don`t feel like talking to anyone.
  I am angry when i look at my mother.
  i blame her for forcing me to take computing in Nus when i wanted to take business marketing in SIM.
  i`m angry at her for always going against my wish.
  i`m angry at myself for being such a weakling.
  i`m angry at myself for not being determined in the first place.
  
  I can`t help but compare myself with the people around me...and i feel so small beside them.
  I don't know why i landed myself in such a pathetic state.
  and i don't know how i can get out from this shit.
  i don't know what my future lies ahead.
  i don't want to think about anything now.
  i wish i can cry and cry and hide and hide.
  
  I have no motivation to move on with my studies anymore.
  
  If you are asking me whether i'm alright? i am not.
  
  
  
  

  • 11:20 AM
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